As some of you may know we had a project with Robbie Williams a good few years back, (The Commercial Williams), and our representation at the time Mr Gervais M Poignant was a sure fire winner to take us to the top, when all of a sudden he mysteriously disappeared.
Most recently he has resurfaced from god knows where, and his plans to reignite the TCW flame are starting to burn.
Here is his most current correspondence with us as he pursues his quest to take us to the top using nothing but his unparalleled managerial skills (and a bit of our cash)...

Hello Boys !

Sorry its been a while since I have been in touch..... my 3 week trip to Jamaica got somewhat extended.... by about 8 months actually .....turns out my tour of the local nightspots went on bit longer than planned.... I just couldn’t get away..... they are so friendly over there.... they just didn’t want me to leave..... in fact they tried to stop me leaving until I sold my hire car to pay off my extensive bills.... still, Marcus was very happy with the Mustang and Hertz have got all the necessary insurances so no harm done .... and as Marcus put it if I hadn’t sold it the car ‘it wasn’t going to be the only thing that hurts ‘ ( I dont think spelling is his strong point).

As you know I have been putting in a lot of work on Commercial Williams’ world tour and the lastest round of negotiations are in.....wait for it .... the hallowed ground itself ..... GOA ! Yes boys !.... the motherland awaits you with fervoured anticipation ! I have already made contact with several local promoters and the gigs are literally flying in. Speaking of which, times are getting a bit tight for your old pal Gervy ..... I was wondering if you had received my invoice for my business class flight to Jamaica ? I know what you are thinking..... good old Gervy always got his eyes on the budget..... but for you guys I am happy to forgo first class once in a while.... anyway if you could just pop the US$8000 into my business management account that would be splendid ..... there are certain things in India that are not that cheap it turns out and Russians dont accept Rupees.

Now .... to the gigs. Hilltop.... Bamboo Forests..... Shiva Valley.... need I say more ?!! ..... all of these venerable establishments are keenly awaiting your arrival here....... it turns out my mate Sketchy Eddie owes the owners quite a lot of money.... something to do with a load that disappeared on its way down from the mountains..... anyway they are keen to recoup and so all you need to do is a couple of no fee gigs ( about 20 I estimate) and then Eddie will be in the clear.... the good news is the load didn’t exactly ‘disappear’ and once he has got the going rate for it in London he is going to cut us in as partners and we are going to be minted !........ Yes Gervy I hear you say ! .... always thinking, always working the angles !..... all part of the service boys ;O) Obviously with my artist booking fees and the extra work arranging the shipping, my end will be a little more than the customary 15% but when this ship comes in there is gonna be plenty to go around so dont worry about a thing.

I have laid on cracking digs for you..... the Taj Goa is one of the best hotels in the country, nice size suites, swimming pool... the works.... and just round the corner from it my good friend Mr Bhosale owns a lovely little guest house that as luck would have it has just got a room come free.... its previous occupant is still in hospital after the ceiling fan came away from its fitting in the middle of the night and he wont be coming back so you are in ! I have negotiated to a top rate and you can pop over and see me at the Taj anytime ( you are paying the bill after all ) ..... Obviously you understand that as your manager I am representing your image over here and so its important I take higher end accommodations to send out the right message.

Well boys thats it for now .... I will let you know the gig dates as soon as I have finished the sample Sketchy Eddie dropped off for me.... shouldn’t be more than a month or so.

Assuring you of my best intentions at all times

Gervais M. Poignant

Crisis Management

London, Tokyo, Brixton

The problem with international flight travel is that more often then not you end up being seated next to some undesirable character.
On the most recent flight to Dubai I must have had the worlds most restless guy sitting next to me.
It must have taken him about an hour of shuffling and repositioning before he found his "happy place".
"What a relief!" I was thinking, "I will finally be able to get some sleep," when suddenly his feet start vigorously tapping as if pleased by his new found position of comfort.
After our turbulent beginnings the food was finally served and once more I thought sweet relief from the constant motion man was just around the corner. He cant possibly tap his feet with a food tray on his lap. Can he?
Surely not! and he couldn't, but what he could do instead was eat with his elbows out like a startled chicken trying to fend predators off from its eggs!
"Its fine," I thought to myself, "My foods almost here and the lamb which Ive been waiting for will surely provide a distraction, if only for a brief while."
But the bad news is that Chicken Wing Boy got the last lamb meal and has now pushed it aside after only having 1 or 2 bites!
Aaah the joy of being squashed into tiny spaces. Some species are forced into it, some thrive on it, and some just aren't bothered by it at all.
Makes sense he'd take the posture of a chicken really, they seem to do OK while being couped up!

So after the incredible feedback and concern over The Commercial Williams missing ex-manager (see previous blog) we have managed to get a touch of correspondence from Mr Gervais M. Poignant himself. Phew! Now we can rest easy...or can we?
Here it is...



Hello Boys !
 
So good to see the new website is finally up and running - its full of excellent innovation, not least of which is of course your brilliant idea of giving me my own section - as requested hear are a couple of recent photos....... I decided to keep them fairly mundane as the last thing we need is people getting the impression that I am living high on the hog .......we dont want promotors to get wind of my exorbitant fees after all - or at least not until they get the invoice.
 
On another note you will be pleased to hear I have been networking heavily and looking to expand into new territories for your music ........ in particular I have identified the Carribean as a virgin market (pl see my invoice for the flight to Jamaica attached BTW)........ is got all the right ingredients to really kick off here........ sunshine, beaches, bribable police and shed loads of cheap d*#@s  .......... I am already working on your tour schedule and its looking like your first gig is gonna be as a suppport act for ...... wait for it ........
BOB MARLEY AND THE WAILERS' old cleaning lady's nextdoor neighbour Tyrone and his Band  ' White Pipe Monkey '......... they are gonna be HUGE over here according to Tyrone's cousin Marcus who I met in a bar in Kingstown the other night....... the gig is part of a new festival that Marcus is planning  as a money laundering exercise for the substantial profits his chain of cr@%k dens is currently generating......... so the gig has also got a ' feel good ' factor in that you will be helping out the local community.
And thats just for starters lads ......... the sky is the fucking limit over here I tell you......... right I'm off now with Marcus to continue my tour of his operation........ I do think its important to really try to appreciate a culture from the locals perpective dont you ?........ I do seem to be getting through quite a lot of money tho I must say..........still not too worry -  its all itemised on my expenses sheet (also attached)  and tax deductable and once you get going over here we will be rolling it in
 
Toodle Pip
 
Gervais M. Poignant
Crisis Management
Paris - Tokyo - Brixton

Before there was The Commercial Hippies, before there was Robbie Williams there was The Commercial Williams!
Yes, you read right! Robbie and us had our hearts set on breaking new ground and that is exactly what we were doing!
The underground music industry was a buzz with the excitement over The Commercial Williams and we were set for "The Big Time" when suddenly our manager at the time Gervais M Poignant, dissapeared.
His genius promotion skills and unequalled marketing expertise were a vital part of the The Commercial Williams experience and without him there was a huge void in the TCW camp, so unfortunately after only a handfull of unbelievably well received gigs, Robbie and ourselves decided that it just wouldn't be right to continue the project without him.
Below is the last correspondance we had with him along with the only press photo we have for The Commercial Williams, and a photo of the man himself Mr Gervais' M Poignant
If you see him somewhere around the globe please be sure to let him know we are missing his genius...

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Guys,

I am writing with some tremendously exciting news re: the Knebworth gig - I am  (hold your thumb and forefinger about and inch apart) that close to getting The Commercial Williams the gig that is going to kick start your career like Evil Knievel hitting the ramp over the Grand Canyon
Yes my friends......Knebworth..... Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Oasis - all of them have graced this venerable 1000 acre country estate in Bedfordshire.........just down the road from which is the Six Bells pub, Knebworth village and they have got a Wednesday night going for the local dance massive - its a rocking crowd and packed out, particularly since they moved the darts night with the free sandwhiches to coincide with it.

Anyway, I had a good chat to Ron the Landlord and he is definitely considering booking you in for a Wedsnesday in November - I told him straight that you would have to be the headline act, that they had to do full promotion and that the fee of 8000 euro plus flights and hotel was 100% not negotiable - he said no problem on the headline slot and that he would personally put you on the chalk board outside the pub, but unfortunately I had to give a bit on the fee (2out of 3 aint bad eh?) .....
Basically his idea is to do a first night as a sort of 'promotional' thingy, you know, to get you guys known in the area...... good idea eh ?
Anyway he has offered that you can stay in the spare room above the pub - it  doesnt have an en suite, but he says you can piss in the sink no problem and that the noise from the road is only bad from 6am onwards and after that it quiets down a lot.

On the money side, I suggested that instead of a flat fee, he could give a percentage of the door take to cut down his risk (I know, 'smart move Gervy' you are thinking ) - unfortunately, its free to get in, so I settled for a percentage of the nights raffle takings..... last wednesday somebody won a kettle and 4 cans of Guinness, so its obviously not going to be mickey mouse........
Re: the flights, he says he has got a mate who owns a travel agents who is more than happy to do you guys a deal - you will have to pay for your own tickets, but I think its more than fair to say that to get a gig of this magnitude, its got to be worth it, particularly since he has said your first pints free.  (working the perks for you is part of my commitment to you)

Another plus side (I know, you are thinking this just gets better and better) is that the local women are well known in the area for there welcoming attitude towards musicians - I am assuming that you have not lost your taste for the 'bigger ladies', in which case you will be well in - in fact you might fall in, but I guess we will just have to cross that bridge when we come to it..........KNEBWORTH HERE WE COME EH LADS ??!!!

Anyway, gotta dash, someone has just popped round with some DVDs and its going to take me at least 4 hours to count them.....its always a fucking arse ache dealing with these Chinese..... I dont suppose you know what "you must be joking mate they're not even worth half that" is in Mandarin do you ?

Assuring you of my best attentions at all times.

Gervais M Poignant

Crisis Management PLC
New York, Tokyo, Neasden. 

As I write this at 30 000 feet above sea level I cant help but think that there's something about being on an airplane that makes one question both where they are going, along with thinking about where they have just been.

It seems to make you wonder about the potential of the future as well as run through the lessons of the past, the life experiences you had in the place where you were and the excitement that comes with the promises of things to come.
It can put things into perspective. How both big and small this world can be and how easy it is to get caught up in our comfort zones, but if we step outsides these zones that so many new and valuable experiences are there for the taking.

Regardless of the person, and why or when you do it, it is always an enriching exercise re-assessing your past, present and future and coming to a conclusion that everything is as it should be, and if by some small chance it isn't there right now, that things will work out for the best, and you will find yourself where you want to be if you are passionate about your life and the lives of those around you.

Patience, observation and an awareness of your surroundings will win out over negativity and insecurity at the end of the day, and the realization that all good things do actually come to those who wait, will sooth any weary mind and stoke the coals of any near extinguished enthusiasm.

A feeling of contentment at 30 000 feet above sea level washes over me as the hum from the engines of this warm, airborne cocoon provides the soundtrack to these fleeting thoughts, and I sink further into the once tiny seat which now suddenly feels so much more inviting and miles wider then when I first boarded...

...but then again it could be the bottles of wine and sleeping pills talking :)

The evening came and went and we found ourselves polishing off all the alchohol, as one does, and yet still feeling there was enough time left for some sort of adventure before the night was through. So we ventured forth in search of more alchohol and perhaps even some social interaction at 1 in the morning. However, in the area where we happen to find ourselves, the door staff seem to possess the incredible talent of being able to determine a persons characture from the type of footware you have, and this could turn out to be a bit of a problem as the only shoes we have are mud caked, post festival shoes.

After a while of following an iphones mis-guidance system we find ourselves outside a club whose name I wouldnt dare try to pronounce as it contains to many consulates and almost no vowels. The kind of place where you definately couldnt stick your hands in the air and wave them around as if you just didnt give that much of a damn.
Anyway, in my attempt to discover whether or not this club is place where we are going to find the aforementioend booze and interaction, I approach the overdressed doorman and ask "Is there cover charge?"
My question is met with the kind of look which is normally only reserved for a flirtatious situation, from head to toe and back up again. This doorman was clearly summing me up and trying to assess what amount he could muster up that would deter me from entering his establishment, even though entrance was most likely free. After looking into the window of my sole, my shoes, and realizing they were not of the right calibre and still caked in mud from the Glade Festival, the doorman blurts out "Ten pounds!"
He was right, I wouldn't pay that amount, or any amount for that matter, to get into his hole in the wall, only to pay what would probably be an extortionate amount for alchohol once in. In fact he could have just said "Yes" and that would have been enough to keep us from entering his grotto. We weren't there for the ambience after all!
So now belonging to the "10 pound crowd" we walk off to fullfill our needs elsewhere, uncleansed soles and all.

Fastforward an hour or so and the quest is now completed. Alchohol, check, social interaction, check.
Now sitting on a balcony watching the last remaining nightclub goers stumble down the road on their quest home, still amused by the up/down summation of the doorman, who clearly thought my shoes were inappropriate for his club, when we hear the sound of what could only be the alchohol induced uneven steps of a drunkard.
It is an extremely smartly dressed "gentleman", who matched the dress code of this specific area, wearing the required suite and necktie, struggling against the non-existant wind, trying to make it home before he collapsed on the sidewalk. His stumble stops and he proceeds to try to undo his belt buckle to relieve himself in the middle of the pavement when suddenly he is startled by the noise of someone approaching, so he continues to stroll down the road as if he wasnt just trying to empty his bladder, however forgetting to do his belt back up and preffering rather to let his buckle swing back and forth between his legs with his pants not far from falling down to his ankles.
"How did he get into this state?" I wonder. The doorman must have summed him up too and thought he was the right quality person to allow in, but fair enough, I mean my god, just look at his shoes!

So Glade Festival has come and gone once again and what a festival it was!
Great artists, great music, great decor and of course great people all made it near impossible to walk around without a huge grin from ear to ear.
So once again thank you to the Glade Crew for an inspiring event!

Other new news that you should know by now is that the new TCH album "From Beyond" has just been released and is getting rave reviews along with taking the online charts by storm!
At the time of writing this all 9 tracks on the album are in the top 30 on Beatports psy trance charts for the last week. 2 of which are in the top 10 and 8 of which are in the top
25.

What you can can expect is 9 tracks of philthy, stinky, sweaty dancefloor thumpers that you cant help but stomp to.

Heres the tracklist...

1 Like I Do
2 Imaginoid
3 Live
4 All Systems Go
5 Tricksy - Lark (TCH's All Tricked Out Mix)
6 Cant Stop Progress
7 Out of the Light
8 Belly of the Beast
9 Stranger Things

The album can now be downloaded from Beatport here...

https://www.beatport.com/en-US/html/content/release/detail/179476/from_beyond

...or ordered online from Psyshop, Goastore, Saiko Sounds and Beatspace, and the cd itself should be in all good music stores near you soon.
So be sure to make your way there and get the tracks that are storming their way through the charts and onto dancefloors across the planet thanks to you our loyal TCH fans,
friends and family!

As the world mourns the passing of a music icon, us at TCH HQ are here to offer some consolation.
We have decided to graciously take the reigns from the King of Pop as he stated he wanted it to be that way in the recent reading of his will.
Its no surprise really as there are so many similarities.
We both have killer dance moves, an incredible fashion sense, live in Never Neverland and of course theres the infectious music that you just have to groove to.
And on that note we are proud to announce that our new album - "From Beyond" is now officially available online at Beatport, and will be available next week on CD at various outlets, including Psyshop, Goastore, Saiko Sounds, Beatspace and more.
9 killer tracks of funked up, groovalicious, dance-floor thumping beats is what you can expect. The kinda stuff we know MJ would be practicing the moonwalk to and now you can too!
So if you have the MJ blues and are trying to figure out a way to "Beat it", be sure to follow this link ...

https://www.beatport.com/en-US/html/content/release/detail/179476/From%20Beyond

... to get the new album today and soon you will be back up on your feet again and ready to rock in no time!
It is with great honour that we take over the crown as the new Kings of Pop, and promise our reign will be a just and fair one!
Now excuse us as we have a monkey to feed!

Greetings again!
Well, it seems winter has reared its ugly head again this week in Cape Town.
To be perfectly honest we havent really noticed the storms 'n all, having been locked away in the studio for the last couple of days. The only real sign is the shed at the bottom of the garden where we keep the gimp is looking like it needs reinforcement after the gusts otherwise he might escape!
Anyway, moving on, and the current news is that TCH will be playing at Mindcultivation tomorrow night!
So if you are in Cape Town be shure to brave those storms and get out to The Rhino Room where you might be able to have one last good stomp before the gimp is running loose, and who knows what that could lead too!

So whats new?
Apart from the recent announcement that the French government is going to admit to there being alien life on the planet earth I guess there must be something.
Well yes! There is!
And its that The Commercial Hippies new album "From Beyond" is busy getting manufactured as we speak!
We are looking to have the album available online by the end of June and then the physical album out on shelves by the beggining of July!
Is it a coincedence the Aliens choose to make their presence known now? I doubt it! They clearly are wanting to get their 4 slimey webbed fingers on our album and who are we to say no!
Unfortunately at the moment South Africa seems to be having a bit of technical difficulty with our internet connection and our website cannot be viewed by anyone there. Hopefully this will be sorted out ASAP.
Another coincedence? I think not! Must be the radiation from the UFOS (if we can call them that anymore) interfering with our transmission!
So apart from looking out for our new album be sure to Keep your eyes on the skies!!!
And remember they can read your thoughts so be sure to wear your foil hats everyone!